You Are Never Doing Nothing
Recently, a newly pregnant student in one of my prenatal yoga classes told me she was just not up for doing anything. She felt guilty for being a burden to her partner. She said he seemed happy to be “picking up the slack” as she rested and “took it easy,” but she expressed that she didn’t think he’d be so generous if this went on for her whole pregnancy.
This one is for all you pregnant people out there. You are not taking it easy. You are never doing nothing. YOU ARE GROWING A HUMAN BEING!
My personal struggles with perinatal depression and anxiety hit hard during the early part of the Covid-19 pandemic. I had moved across the country with my almost 2-year-old, away from my entire family and support system 10 days before the initial lockdown. A month later I was pregnant and we were moving into a new house, without help because we had no idea how safe it was to be around people. Fast forward to June and it was becoming apparent the pandemic wasn’t easing. It was all too much. I couldn’t take it. Everything felt hard and heavy. I wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy and I wasn’t able to enjoy mothering my toddler. I saw snippets of the lives of others and judged my lowest moments against the highest moments I saw posted and shared.
Everywhere I looked I was failing. I wasn’t being this amazing, perfect parent I dreamed. I could hear the echoes of my own voice, voices of my former selves - those selves that didn’t and couldn’t understand my current place in life because they had never experienced it before. And here is where I fell into the trap of thinking what I could give at that moment was not enough.
I find most people - me, probably you, pregnant people, primary caregivers for small children - do not give themselves credit where credit is due. Self-compassion can be giving yourself credit for all that you are doing in these moments- moments that are hard and moments that are filled with ease. We have to step up and be our own cheerleader. When my world is falling apart or overwhelming, I have to focus on being mindfully present to what is happening and celebrating the tiny wins. “I fed my kids today.” “I read a story to my 4 year old.” “I practiced yoga for 15 minutes.” “I watered my house plant.”
Give yourself credit. You are doing more than you realize.
*If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, please reach out for help. If you don’t know where to get help, I would be more than happy to assist you in connecting with the support you need. The professional support I had throughout my pregnancy and the postpartum period was something I could not have lived without.